I believe that when we engage in a relationship with Jesus, we cannot
expect him to do everything for us and if we do things just right –somehow
Jeremiah 29:11’s great plan is magically sparked and instantly Jesus will usher
us into. I used to believe
this way, that we have no control over what happens and God has all the
control. Over my journey with
Jesus, I’ve come to realize that the problem of him not answering my prayers
and feeling alone has very much to do with my misunderstanding of how I am to
interact with him and what He wants with me. He wants me to participate with Him, he wants to do life
together, to create together with him, and with others. He wants me to understand that I do
have more control over what happens than I thought I did and I don’t have to pray in a structured
devotional time every day or more than once a day out of fear of missing
it. It's okay to have devotional times, I'm only saying I don't fear having it or not having it any more. I am not afraid of connecting with God through new means now. And for me, prayer is no
longer a quiet time, devotional time, whatever you want to call it that I have to
be religious about keeping, For me, it’s ALL the time.
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
I am NEVER alone, I cannot be alone because Christ is always within
me. He and I are inseparable. My thoughts and internal ponderings and
questions and even my conversations with my children, husband, & friends
–these are all prayers because Jesus is always speaking to me, listening to me,
always moving my heart, He is with me always, even to the end of the age. I don’t have to try so hard to connect
with him and worry about not connecting with Him enough: I have come to think
that is a silly idea because He says I am always connected to him, nothing can
separate me from His love. I don’t
have to be afraid and always be trying so hard. I am enough for Him, and He is enough for me, and I can get
to know Jesus through endless sources.
He is trustworthy to show me the way however he wants to show me His
way. I don’t have to go read my bible for a hour to make up for not
intentionally connecting to him enough today (that’s the gospel of try harder,
he’s not already delighted and pleased with you). My believing that He and I are one and in love NOW, and not
something to be achieved, has ushered me into quite an unforeseen adventure of trusting Jesus to show himself to me through a large family and sharing my life with them for a period of time:
The last two weeks, BJ and I have had a family of 15 living with
us. And we’ve invited them to come
back this summer! I think if I
heard myself saying that two years ago, I would have said, Ash –you’re crazy!!
Really, though, it has been life-giving and wonderful. Our guests have brought a beautiful
loving emotional and spiritual climate into our home. BJ and I have always wanted to have tight community living
with people, and when we lived in intentional community before in 2008-2010, we
didn’t know if we’d ever be able to do it again because it felt like the community we created with others failed
our expectations in many ways. This time around in 2013/2014, we talked with
this family about our many fears and anxieties at the thought of hosting them
as our guests for any length of time.
They assured us that they did not want to be guests hosted by us, they
wanted to live with us and be around the real us, and they wanted to offer us
help. Projects around the house,
making meals, doing dishes, watching our babies for us so we could sleep and go
on dates, and get to know one another better. We all agreed on having good communication together
throughout our experience, and if we could tell each other when something
bugged us or a boundary needed to be set, etc, then we could do this. Let me tell you a bit about our friends
who are now like family to us:
Tonya and Dave Roper are in their mid forties and have 12 children (and
a family friend) between the ages of 19 and 2 and they live out of an RV and a
pickup truck with a trailer. God
has called them away from living the secure life they were living outside of
Abbeyville, KS. Dave was doing
sheetrock and all sorts of handyman work, and Tonya and the kids were running
gardens, and milking cows, tending chickens, goats, lambs, horses. They had a stocked pantry and plenty of
money coming in every week.
And one week, through a series of unexpected events, Jesus told them it
was time for them to leave their place in the care of friends and begin to
travel. Over the last few years of
traveling off and on, they have enjoyed traveling around the United States,
building friendships and community with people while sharing in their
possessions and laboring together.
Dave offers healing using homeopathy, massage, prayer, acupressure, essential oils, etc. And he and his boys do handyman work
for people. And this is how they
put food on the table and gas in the truck so to speak. God takes care of them in their
obedience to Him and the adventure they create together. Just like He promised.
Tonya & Dave Roper |
What
was this like for me, for us?
Well, we usually worry about all sorts of things in our home. Energy is one, privacy is another, food
and possessions, how time is spent.
We set up some clear boundaries well before they came, knowing what
things would likely irk us. And we let go of some things that we didn’t want to
have to deal with anymore, internally.
I heard myself saying aloud to Tonya and kids, Oh, Riviere is learning
to share, she’s not used to having others play with her toys. And His voice within me chuckling says,
YOU’RE LEARNING TO SHARE! Our family experienced FREEDOM from
some of these internal vices and patterns of interacting that we could not
achieve without the help of healthy loving community.
I didn’t wash a dish in
the two weeks they were here. I
didn’t make a meal. They provided most of the food. I got to take naps, go do yoga, hang out without much
concept of time. We got to benefit
from Dave’s healing gifts as he helped each of us heal from emotional,
spiritual, & physical issues.
He spent time helping me grow in my healing gifts, man to man time with
BJ. Their children hug all of the
time. I think I was hugged a
minimum of three times a day by each person. My children were kissed and hugged and played with.
Making soaked wheat pancakes together, Nourishing Traditions style |
There were a few moments
that particularly touched my heart.
Feeling worried
about my daughters toys being lost, misplaced, or broken at times, and I traded
these thoughts out for letting other little girls enjoy them to their fullest,
they are easily replaced. Additionally Riviere went from screaming MINE every
time she saw a kid with her toy to not even noticing by the end b/c sharing her
things was normal and she got good at it.
I was thankful for this as she had been doing this MINE thing with 9
month old sister.
Jude, Felicity, Orianna |
Riviere, Autumn, Eijah, Summer |
One night some musician
friends came over, and everyone took turns singing and playing
instruments. It was glorious. Banjos, guitars, harmonies, clapping,
truths were sung, worship was had, it was magical.
Paul and Lezlee Fowler singing their hearts out |
Paul, Lezlee, Orianna, Ash, BJ, Rachel, Noah, Caleb, Sam |
Jessica Rozof and Aaron Lee Martin bringing it |
Not fearing things
getting broken. In the last few
days one child was responsible for breaking two things. This child felt terrible even though
Dave and Tonya made sure the items were fixed or replaced right away. As I was sitting at the kitchen on the
last day, Tonya was making the lunch, this same child accidentally broke
another item, and fell to the ground, crying. At first I thought they were hurt, but then I realized they
were so embarrassed. So mortified
that they could accidentally break so many things of someone else’s and feeling
horrible. Tonya held this child’s head in her lap as they wept. Oh, sweet
little precious compassionate child. I reassured them as deeply as I could. We have to keep remembering that people are more important than
possessions.
The Ropers sing all of the time. Often with instruments, often without. Also, they will affirm one another and friends by someone loudly exclaiming, "ALL HAIL ________ (insert names of people hailed here, such as BJ and Ashley" Everyone immediately exclaimes in unison, " HAIL BJ AND ASHLEY (or whomever is hailed). It's incredible to be hailed.
Gabe, Seth, Levi |
A dance party we had and
mostly grown husbands were dancing and being silly together with us women
floating in and out. Kombucha
punch and paleo foods were had.
Tonya, Ashley |
Chief football games being watched. Funny movies being watched for the first time (the older Roper kids had never seen Dumb and Dumber for instance) Watched is not the word. If I liked football I would never want to watch it with anyone else. I always thought watching funny movies was awesome with BJ b/c he's the only one I knew who laughed out loud. The Ropers laugh hard, and easily. They cheer frequently. Watching football and funny movies is so uplifting when you are with them!
Watching Chiefs, crowd is getting loud! |
God’s kindness leads us to
repentance. One night I became
very upset Orianna had gagged on something, and when BJ finally got it up, it was a little piece of foil that had
fallen to the floor. I was angry
and took it out on Tonya: she is not easily offended and felt terrible that it happened, genuinely apologized to me twice. Later Dave approached me and apologized
too. I was sheepish. As if my baby wouldn't have choked on a piece of trash when just the four of us were here. I realized that they responded to me so graciously, and if they had not, I may have become defensive and
not learned much in my blaming and reactivity. Their kindness and not being easily offended humbled me
greatly. I realized their
unconditional love for me in my humanness did not breed entitlement
whatsoever. Their response out of
their true selves elicited my true identity in Christ, eventually. And this is the same thing I saw in how
they interacted with their children throughout our stay together. We later had a talk about it that I
initiated and processed through it more for further healing within our
relationship. I do not feel
guilty, only glad for loving friends who I can be real with and for the expression of forgiveness.
I remember Faith and
Mercy carrying my Orianna around in the baby Boba carrier. 15 year old Caleb
slow dancing with Orianna for many songs.
Constant invitations from all the kids for Riviere to join them in
whatever they were doing, everyone always including. BJ getting lots of guy time was awesome, there's normally a severe imbalance around here with three ladies to one manly man.
Gabe, Levi, Elijah, Jude, Seth, Caleb BJ and Orianna |
I love that healing was
happening in our home everyday for friends, family, and acquaintances. It still is occurring as long as the Ropers are
in town. This house is The
Restoration House. My husband is
physically restoring this home’s beauty.
And love, community, and wholeness is happening here and abounding more and more each
day. I am proud.
Dave and Caleb doing healing touch and prayer with Rachel |
Mercy, Tonya, Faith |
The Ropers believe in
who they are in Christ, and they live out of that place, literally. When we believe, we act, if we don't act on what we believe then it is not belief at all. They are certainly not perfect people but they are honest and they are loving. I learned a
lot from them about parenting, about giving, hugging, not being afraid, and especially about
believing. I am thankful for these
new friends who are like family and future adventures together. I am grateful and filled up and more my
true self for having these friends stay here for a short time. And eager for them to join us again. If you want to meet the Ropers while
they are in Wichita (or if you live in another part of the country you can request a visit!), they plan to be here until around January 23rd 2014 if
places to stay/people to stay with continue to unfold. If you would like ot have them over for
a meal or a few days or a week or just want treatment or nutritional program
from Dave at my house or some handyman work, sheet rocking, etc, let us know
and we’ll put you in touch. Be
encouraged and remember you are not alone, you are loved and we believe in
YOU. In Christ, the Brockus’
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders Let me walk upon the waters Wherever You would call me Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander And my faith will be made stronger In the presence of my Savior (Hillsong United - Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) Lyrics
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders Let me walk upon the waters Wherever You would call me Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander And my faith will be made stronger In the presence of my Savior (Hillsong United - Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) Lyrics